The Real Monastery

Thanks to some technical difficulties, this is a post from Dee that was meant for yesterday, Wednesday, March 3.


Today Emilie Griffin quotes Ronald Rolheiser, who tells us that raising children “…provides the perfect setting for leading a contemplative life... a desert for reflection, a real monastery.”  Griffin points out both the challenges of raising small children: the whining, the fighting, the endless questions and some of the joys that children teach us: how to be grateful, joyful, playful and simple. But, I think she also misses some of the characteristics of parenthood that cause it to be a real monastery.

First, is the enormity of the job. 

Raising children is a sacred privilege. Parenthood gives you reason to contemplate. You must understand your own faith in order to share it with your kids. The decisions you make on behalf of your children must not be made lightly, but thoughtfully and prayerfully.

If the abstract idea of parenthood doesn’t cause you to reflect on your own faith, then certainly the frequent, pointed questions will.   It goes far beyond “can I have more juice?” Kids ask the deepest, most probing questions.  They infamously want to know the “whys” of everything.  Why is the sky blue? Why did grandma die? Where do you go when you die? Why do you have to be nice to other people? Even more thought provoking are the questions kids ask us about ourselves.  “Why did you do that/say that/think that?”  Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living.  I can’t imagine that anyone who is in the midst of raising a child has not been asked a question about their own behavior that has caused them to examine their lives and contemplate their actions.

Kids hold up mirrors to their parents all the time. They are perfect mimics of our behavior. Good and bad. Many times a day, we hear our own words, in little tiny voices, echoed back to us. Sometimes what our children reflect back to us is a needed reminder to check our behavior, to try again to be kinder, speak more gently. But sometimes the reflection allows us to recognize what is beautiful in us that we cannot see in ourselves, but can clearly see in our children. Yes, raising children is like a monastery and each joy and challenge we face each day is another call to prayer.